When I Lead, When I Manage
I would like to say that I have the capability to both manage and lead however I often get distracted or wrapped up in my personal beliefs(passions/vision) or even the direction of others to execute clear delegation to create action. I absolutely love dreaming up big things and working with a team who bring diverse talents to the table. I even consider myself a planner. I have plans all over my room, journals and notes yet I often feel like I am someone who dreams too much and is almost scared to put it into action because of potential failure. At residency, I learned that I have the tenacity to be someone who is both visionary and concerned with action. So perhaps I need to look more into what it would like for me to live up to that potential. Not in a way where I beat myself up or have crazy pressure to produce something meaningful but in a way where I put out clear vision for others and cast an expectation that allows the vision to become action. Based on the image I designed off the quote "Passion is the genesis of genius", I would like to continue to allow my passion to create a stronger leader in me while also letting it drive me to inspire others to action.
When it comes to leadership, I have put myself in roles where I was in a position of leadership for ten years. I am always excited for new opportunities and often used my passion for others to help me step out of my comfort zone. However, if you put me in a role where I am not passionate or if I have not done enough work in the realm of self-care, you could not pay me enough to stand up and lead. It’s such a balance and I think I have not done enough processing of some of past experiences (working within the fields of homelessness, addiction and urban youth development) to lead in the manner that I would desire. I also desire to lead and work directly with people for a long time, so what does it require to go long haul? I enjoyed what the readings said about being self-aware. I think that is a big component in being capable of propelling others into activating a vision. I would love to sit down with leaders who are further ahead in their careers than me and talk about how to lead well and how to balance expectations for self. In that I mean, how to track yourself awareness in a manner that is not based on what one accomplishes.
When it comes to management, as I have said, I definitely have a long way to go. When I am in an environment that requires me to be on a strict schedule, I can adapt to that and follow through with great strength. However, if I am in an environment where expectations are low and there are no deadlines, I tend to just slide by and other the radar. I currently am managing a team of young baker entrepreneurs, they often to look to me for direction and it is something that I feel I am able to achieve. We often have a short amount of time (2 hours) to make pastries so it is necessary to bake them immediately. I have to be strong enough to delegate tasks to 20 young people while also making the environment fun and exclusive to all. Last week, I only had two recipes for them to try and learned that that was not enough. They should have been working in teams of four, instead of ten. When they worked in teams that large, it was easier to manage but not everyone had a clear role. Next week, we will be tackling 5 recipes. I am excited and also challenged to see what will happen in managing so many different tasks.